I just received a call from home. My mom told me that she had a mammogram and there was a cluster in one of her breasts. We don’t have a history of breast cancer but we just found out yesterday that my grandmother has it. God, I am so scared. I can’t stop crying. I’m away at school and I know my mom is trying to be brave but she sounded so small when I talked to her. All of a sudden, I realize how fragile life is and how there is nothing you can do to hold it together. I don’t want to be angry. I don’t want to fall apart but I know that I will if this is something serious. I don’t want to talk to anyone, because they wouldn’t understand. We don’t know anything right now. I pray it’s nothing. I pray it’s a false alarm and everything is going to be okay. But I don’t know if it will. And I can’t imagine life without her and I cry more at the thought of it. No one can give comfort right now. My mom is my best friend and the one I go to when life falls apart. I can’t live without her in my life. If anyone out there has something to offer, we greatly need it right now.
for the first time in my life, I consider myself to be in love. John Green words it well, “I fell in love the way you fall asleep. Slowly, and then all at once.” I couldn’t word it better myself. I’ve been dating this boy for such a long time and it just felt routine and average and I never knew if he was someone I should be with. And then it happened. And suddenly, every look he gives me, every kiss, every smile, and every laugh, it all is so much stronger than ever before. And for the first time, I am terrified to imagine life without him. I don’t know if that sounds stupid, it probably does. But through the years, I have been reminded that time is precious. Time goes whether we use it wisely or not. Just as love comes quickly, life slips away. I’ve always had a strong fear of losing my parents, especially since my father was diagnosed with a potentially terminal illness. I have remained aware of the value of life through the years as I’ve seen friends as young as myself, sometimes even younger, pass away. As I read through my book wish list this summer, I find that a common denominator in a lot of novels is the death of a loved one. And it always leaves me pondering the great value and weight of life and I realize again how little I truly appreciate it. All this to say, life is short and we only have a finite amount of time, of opportunities, to accomplish anything. We have words and it almost seems selfish not to say them. Life is this beautiful, painful, hard, crushing, incredible experience and I have just been made aware of every human beings’ responsibility to appreciate the gift he has been given.
I don’t mean to spend all of my time talking about a boy. I know that guys come and go, just like everything else. But I also know that I want to enjoy this time in my life. I have fallen in love with someone who treats me better than I deserve. He respects me and kisses my forehead. He lets me fall asleep and drool on him and surprises me with smoothies. We go hiking and have picnics and go night swimming and grocery shopping. Life with him is so much better than without. Of course we fight and argue and he infuriates me and can be the most immature person on the planet but at the end of the day, he’s the one I want to fall asleep next to. He has become my best friend. And the idea of losing him absolutely terrifies me. I guess that’s a good thing.
foreign is different.
foreign is another language.
foreign is someone who doesn’t look like me.
foreign is a different lifestyle.
foreign is a different currency.
foreign is a different culture.
foreign is a new opportunity.
foreign is a book i’ve never read.
foreign is a stranger i’ve never acknowledged.
foreign is song i’ve never sung.
foreign is an adventure.
foreign is a train ride away.
foreign is across the ocean.
foreign is everyone who i’ve never met.
foreign is the person i see every day but never speak to.
foreign is change.
foreign is beautiful.
a boring picture, maybe to some.
but this reminds me of that long drive to new york city. a place where everyone’s dreams are as big as the buildings. a place where it doesn’t matter where you come from. all that matters are how hard you’re willing to work to make your dreams become a reality.
this picture represents big for me because i remember how hard it was to get to that city. and once we arrived, i remember the feeling of complete awe. millions of people in black all going somewhere as fast as they could.
sunrise on the beach.
meeting sweet new people.
late night swims in new orleans.
cuddling with this goof.
taxi rides through busy indian streets.
these beautiful children.
this silly nose ring.
ring pop engagements to my best friend.
stupid, carefree adventures.
the faces of my babies.
my beautiful parents.
1. being tan
2. seeing my best friends every single day
3. being spontaneous
5. late night walks
6. falling in love
7. watching the waves roll onto the sand at the beach
8. exploring the mountains
9. movie nights
10. no more stress
11. road trips
12. staying up late
14. disney world with the best friends
16. no makeup
17. natural hair
18. tank tops, sandals, and shorts
20. meeting new people
21. driving with the windows down and the music blaring
23. going to camp
24. mission trips
25. being able to eat out every single night
26. taking chances
27. trying new things
28. going to the park
32. feeling pretty
33. being able to work during the daytime so i can spend nights with friends
34. late night drives
36. drive-in movies
37. messy twister
38. bike rides
39. singing at the top of your lungs with the windows down
40. glow stick fights
42. sleepovers – every night
44. exploring the woods behind the house
45. weekend beach trips
46. breakfast at bojangles
48. going swimming with boys late at night
49. having your life be as fun as it appears on facebook for once
50. sleeping under the stars
51. movie nights
53. living at each others’ houses
55. going to the lake
56. being carefree
57. never being home
59. creating new ideas
60. closing my eyes while laying in the sand on the beach
61. learning to salsa
62. sleeping on the dock at the lake
63. jet ski’s
64. taking pictures
65. wearing dresses constantly
66. late night conversations
67. late night wal-mart runs
insert sexual reference here
70. watching the sunset on the ocean
72. bucket lists
73. sleeping in
75. watching the sun rise at the beach