We all know how stressful it is filling out college applications and choosing which school is right for you. It’s an anxiety-ridden time for high school juniors and seniors. Well, take that anxiety and multiply by about seventy and you’ll hit where I’m at. I’m at the place where I have decided on the school, gotten in, started classes, and now am daily faced with the mind-numbing questions regarding my future. What am I going to do when I graduate? What kind of job do I want? And I’ve recently discovered that if you, by some miracle do come to some sort of an idea in regard to what you want to do, you may have to switch schools. Of course, this problem isn’t as common as most people attend normal colleges. I, however, decided to attend a specific type of school which only offers certain courses for certain degrees. And now that I’ve fallen in love with the school and the people, I am realizing that I may have to switch schools. This breaks my heart. So I am at a place of great stress and anxiety and fear and just plain freak-out. Welcome to college.
1. someday, we will all agree on something. anything. there will be a unanimous consensus on an idea.
2. there is such a thing as true love, a love that is honest and genuine and selfless & someday i’ll find that.
3. i’ll publish a book someday. i’ve always been a writer. i’m not particularly talented, gifted, or blessed with superb writing skills. but i love to write. i’ve written a book, countless short stories, poems, journals, and multiple blogs. writing is what i love to do. and i think that if you really love something, you should pursue a goal which involves that passion. so, even if i’m not all that talented and my ideas are unoriginal and no one but me has any interest in what i have to say, i think it would be absolutely incredible to have one of my stories put out into the world. i just wonder what the response would be from others. small, i’m sure. but at least i put it out there.
4. one day, there will not be such a negative connotation with the word ‘Christian’. i’m saying this from a Christian perspective; that may be enough to turn anyone off. i’m biased. i’m already at the place that i’m hoping the world will arrive at. but i am humbled before others – i don’t view them as lesser than me, people who need to be like me, since i am all holy. but aren’t Christians supposed to hate everyone who doesn’t share their belief? aren’t they full of themselves, never listening to the beliefs of others? no. whoever made that the norm should be ashamed. we are supposed to be a people of love, we have received such a beautiful grace. we are nothing but beggars, trying to share the way to the One with food, with fellow beggars. i just wish all of the supposed ‘Christians’ would reexamine the text which they claim to believe, that a humility would overcome us all, that we would learn to love others the way Christ loves them.
i don’t support many of the views and beliefs of others. but i don’t judge them for that. sure, we all judge a little. but i don’t look at those with different lifestyles and condemn them, that isn’t my place. i hope for a world filled with people who can see Christ the way i see Him and i dream of a population of Christians who know their place before that Christ and before others.
i’m not perfect. i’m not the one who should be applauded or looked up to in regard to ‘how to live’ as a true Christian. but i am so ready for a rise of Jesus-focused Christianity. maybe someday.
i love these late night adventures that we go on.
i love heading out the door at midnight with nowhere to go.
i love it when you look at me and make a goofy face.
i love the dumb conversations we have.
i love how you pay attention to only me while we’re sitting at a table with our friends
i love it when you play with my hair.
i love it when you focus only on me and we randomly have a deep conversation.
i love it when you look into my eyes when we’re talking.
i love it when i hug you and you hold on for a little bit too long.
it’s kind of all wonderful and confusing and perfect all at the same time.
I want to break out, to be a beautiful person, someone chasing a dream. I want to be known for my passion for life. I want to travel and escape. I want to just pack up a book-bag in the middle of the night, jump in my car, and drive, not caring where I end up. I want to have adventures to smile about when I’m old. I want to make music. I want to dance. I want to kiss someone. I want to go to the places I am constantly looking at the pictures of. I want to actually do the things on my bucket list. I want to open an art gallery. I want to meet new people. I want people to think I’m pretty. I want to pierce my nose. I want to die my hair a crazy color and not care what people say. I want to learn how to play the guitar. I want to be a street musician for a day. I want to watch and opera and cry at the end. I want to stay in bed all day with someone I love. I want to hide behind a big, fancy camera and capture the beautiful things we never notice. I want to do things for others, to stop being so self-absorbed. I want to write a book or a play. I want to act. I want to feel pretty without makeup. I want to get away. I want to have a goal. I’m so tired of wandering, of feeling like I don’t belong anywhere. Everyone says that someday I’ll look back and see how special each step of this journey was. But I’m tired of being so lost. I’m ready for it to be someday.
as cliché as it undoubtedly sounds, i wish i were anywhere but here.
i don’t mean to say i hate where i am in life and in a physical sense. in fact, i completely adore it. but when you’re being interviewed for a job, you get tired of constantly going over the details and you just want to begin. when you’re having a baby, you get scared by all of the child-raising classes and you just want to begin the process. i’m at a missions oriented school where i am constantly told about the incredible opportunities available and how we’re to go and tell the world about the love of Jesus and i just want to go. i want to be out there. i was to be surrounded by beautiful children who have never known the love of a parent. i want to tell them that there is hope and it is beautiful and perfect and wonderful. i want to get out of this little town where everyone agrees on the same thing. i want to be somewhere where my views are the minority, where i can struggle and see what i’m made of. i want to be in a place that challenges me and makes me think and forces me to explain what i believe and why. i wish i were anywhere but here.
foreign is different.
foreign is another language.
foreign is someone who doesn’t look like me.
foreign is a different lifestyle.
foreign is a different currency.
foreign is a different culture.
foreign is a new opportunity.
foreign is a book i’ve never read.
foreign is a stranger i’ve never acknowledged.
foreign is song i’ve never sung.
foreign is an adventure.
foreign is a train ride away.
foreign is across the ocean.
foreign is everyone who i’ve never met.
foreign is the person i see every day but never speak to.
foreign is change.
foreign is beautiful.